New Computer, New Me

I'm going to get a bit personal here, so if you don't like that, then just go ahead and move on.

A few days ago my computer broke. I'm a little embarrassed to admit this, but my computer was a Mac Ibook...G3. I bought it used several years ago. It was slow and dying anyway, but just one day the screen wouldn't work anymore. I tried following tech notes to fix it, to no avail.

Well, that put me in a bit of a sticky situation. I pretty much need a computer. All of the work that I do is online. Yes, my husband has a computer that I could technically use...but have you ever tried to use someone else's computer? First, I hate the physical positioning of his computer. I have a really hard time typing on it. Second, his operating system is in Japanese, which is OK in most instances...but he's got all these security alerts set up that I can't read in Japanese so I end up clicking on things and screwing up the computer for him.

Comp USA is closing, so they had macs on sale 10% off. I really really wanted one...but I was having a hard time getting it.

This is probably going to sound silly to you, because hey...I needed a computer. But I had a really hard time buying something brand new.

I grew up pretty poor. I don't resent or have any hard feelings about my upbringing because I know that it was a lot better than some of my friends' who had more money. But we didn't have much. While other kids my age would have wished for a new car on their 16th birthday or a new computer when they went off to college, I knew that those were things that my mom was unable to buy for me. I never asked for them and never even hoped for them.

I rarely buy things new if I can get them used. It's part frugality....but the other part was that I guess I never felt like I deserved nice new things.

Isn't that silly? I mean, I literally have enough money to buy a brand new computer, I know that my husband has used "our money" for things that were just as expensive, yet I still had a hard time spending that much money on myself.

I cried for two days.

Finally my mother convinced me that I was worth it. And after I confessed to my husband what I was really feeling about it, he felt so bad and told me that I was totally worth it.

So now I'm typing on my new computer. And I'm trying to convince myself that I do deserve nice things...

The funny thing too is (especially if you believe in the Law of Attraction), as soon as I bought the new computer...almost $300 has unexpectedly come my way. I mean, it was money that I knew I would get some time, but it came a lot faster that I thought.

Go figure.